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 Dear Anita, I am 30 years old, and all my friends seem to be married. Once they pair off, they vanish. I literally never hear from them again. I want a man I can spend the rest of my life with, but I haven't met Prince Charming yet. Should I be more focused on finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now? Does marriage just "happen" or is it something I need to search for? I am feeling lonely, but I don't want to get married just to get married. What is my next move? Signed, Just Turned 30  Dear Just Turned 30, It doesn’t sound like you are one of those women who are determined to join the “marriage club” at all costs, but if you are truly determined to find someone fast, flights leave hourly for Vegas, where there is a drunk and a chapel on almost every corner. If you want to find a guy quickly, Internet dating is astonishingly popular. The options for dating websites are endless, and most of them are free for women. There are literally hundreds of males just waiting in front of their computer screens for you. Finding a quality guy online isn’t difficult since you can screen them in advance, soliciting photos, and chatting about mutual interests. You can also meet guys at work, church or while shopping. Yes, this requires some deliberate effort. When dating, observe the tried and true rules: No kissing on the first date. No sex on the first few dates. (If he does not respect that, he’s not a prospect.) Keep your wits about you and your head out of the clouds. If the sparks are there, they will be there without physical intimacy. If a guy tells you he loves you within the first few weeks of dating, that is a red flag. Talk to his friends, family, and co-workers. Find out what kind of guy he really is. Ultimately finding “Mr. Right” is an archaic idea. Prince Charming might be a smooth talker who hides thousands of dollars in debt before you get married and then reveals he has a gambling problem. Don’t be swept away by the fantasy of marriage. Once the knot is tied¾and reality kicks in¾the mist, rainbows, and unicorns make way for dishes, bills, schedules, and conflicts. Getting married can be the best, or the worst thing that you can do for yourself, or to someone else. Enter into marriage with both feet firmly planted on the ground. While there are good men out there, many are profoundly flawed. Some men don’t show their true colors until |
after the knot is tied. At 30, time may be ticking away, but
do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you barely
know? Relationships take time to cultivate. What is a girl to
do but remain patient? When friends get married, they are often lost to us. Certainly do all you can to keep in touch with your pals. If they don’t respond, you can’t force the issue. Share your concerns about feeling left out. It's generally not intentional, most people get swept away in the day to day living of married life. Married friends routinely gather dust before they return to our lives; they return when they need us most. A problem in their relationship may eventually rear its ugly head, and you will have more “friend time” than you ever dreamed of. If worst comes to worst, you can always make new friends. The personals are filled with tons of people who just want someone to hang out with. We live in a society with a 50% divorce rate. With a flip of a coin, your friends will be back sobbing on your  shoulder
in no time. Dear Anita, I can't get enough sex. I am not bragging, but I am in bed with a hot chick every night. I am 27 years old and all I think about is getting laid. I work for a living as a waiter, allowing me to meet attractive women nightly, many of whom eventually share my bed. I want to focus on school or a career, but all I think about is the next notch on my belt. Why am I so obsessed? Wasn't this sort of lust supposed to taper off in my early twenties? Signed, Red Hot Waiter Dear Red Hot, Women in the Portland area beware! Why would you slow down in your early twenties? What ever gave you that idea? By the way, do you make house calls? Are you fueling your appetite for sex? No more Internet porn. Stop eating oysters. Ease off on the Viagra. Avoid strip clubs. Stop competing with your frat brothers for better stories. Stop feeling that you have to control women by having them. Have you considered a career as a gigolo? You might not need to wait tables anymore. Seriously though, without more information I can only recommend that you seek counseling to determine what you are attempting to satisfy with these conquests. If you really are bothered by your behavior and your inability to focus you have intimacy issues that will need to be resolved to move forward. |
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