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by Christopher Vetter

This
week, we devolved into one of the feature-driven general interest, publications we loathe. Our article on the Western
Culinary Institute is nauseatingly wholesome. We interviewed 22
students and searched for dirt all week. Harassment complaints?
Ugly instructor-student conflicts? Did someone burn their hand on
a stove? Nothing. The worst thing we could come up with
about the school? (A) Most of the students serving lunch can't tie
a Windsor knot to save their lives, (B) our gourmet lunch was so filling
that we could barely function for hours after we left, and (C) ordinary
food is no longer enjoyable, prompting us to fantasize about a return
visit. This is as low as we can sink. Is that a photo of a
chicken up there? Did I actually post their menu on our home page
in the spot normally reserved for attention getting features? As we speak, I am sawing my wrist
with a razorblade. I have turned Inside Portland into an infomercial.
All we need to complete our transformation this week is a photo of
Margie Boule, spreading sunshine to the masses.

Willamette Week committed no major offense this week, except to
revive a news story already reported elsewhere—the
Obo Addy family feud. They get a pass from us this week, because
compared to our cover story on the Western Culinary Institute, their Obo Addy report reads like "Kennedy Dead in Dallas" or "Nixon Resigns."
Boot licking just doesn't suit us—not
unless it has a sarcastic undercurrent that allows it to work on
multiple levels. So here we are in week three, with dozens of
exciting features and articles on the horizon, and we kill your
enthusiasm with this oh-so-tender love poem to our favorite restaurant.
Make certain you return next week so we can make this up to you.
On Tuesday, we will interview a prominent member of the Portland
media. He has an amazing story to share and the details will make
your jaw drop.

Our hits are exploding through the roof, prompting requests for a print
edition of the Webzine. The answer is maybe. Lining up
advertising can be a burdensome chore; it also has the effect of taming
your editorial instincts. When mammon is on the table, you think
about the consequences of what you write. You lose your
fearlessness. On the other hand, we could offer more content if we
embraced a Willamette Week-type revenue model. Besides, after our
cover story this week, (a shameless exercise in puffery prompting
self-loathing throughout the office) we may be ready to embrace the
inevitable. No matter how impressed we are with Western Culinary,
our current feature is the musical equivalent of
Yanni. Despite
this little setback, we should move aggressively on getting Inside
Portland into print, with a likely distribution run launching in
December. With the kind of heat we have been generating, it may be
impossible to resist the demand for a print edition of Inside Portland.
Unless of course, Willamette Week Editor Mark Zusman calls and offers me
a job. The opportunity to help Willamette Week get its groove back
might be too appealing to pass up. |
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The Western Culinary Institute is
the best kept secret in Portland. |
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This is the only time you will see a chicken on our
home page, so consider this a historic moment.
Food photos by Paul Moore, from The Wine Lover's Cookbook |
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ood
food can break your bank. Portland plays host to a number of
restaurants that cater to the discriminating palate, but few are terribly
affordable. Soup alone can cost $8. That isn’t
necessarily a bad thing. If diners want to spend $50 or more per
person for a meal out—not to mention any wine they might consume—more power
to them. This is what distinguishes liberal democracies from command
economies like China or Vietnam, who might point to $8 bowls of soup as
evidence of capitalist excess.
Whether fine dining is part of your
routine or an infrequent pleasure, you probably don’t want to mortgage your
home to afford a meal. The Western Culinary Institute International Dining Room
is ready to lend a hand. For $9.95, you can enjoy a five-course
gourmet lunch, featuring a rich selection of soups, appetizers,
salads,
entrees, and desserts. The menu changes daily, though a handful of
dishes are staples, with variations in presentation, sauces, and cooking
methods. Tipping is not permitted, since students serve meals as part
of their training. Coffee, tea, or a soft drink comes free with the
meal. For food this good, there is no better value in
the city. Dinner is twice the price at $19.95, but offers seven courses and
larger portions. Even wine is priced to move; a typical bottle is $15,
roughly half of what you might pay elsewhere. “I have been coming here for
more than a decade, and they do a marvelous job.” said PSU student Homer
Hodge. “I don’t know how they pull this off.”
According to Western Culinary Instructor Mike Maxwell, the Institute feeds 50 to 110 people at lunch and
dinner every Tuesday through Friday. In a metropolitan area boasting
hundreds of thousands of people, those numbers suggest the International
Dining Room is one of the best kept secrets in the city. “We are more
popular now because of articles people have read around town. You need a
reservation to be guaranteed seating, but for the kind of food we prepare
and the affordable prices we charge, it surprises me that reservations are
not required weeks in advance.” Lunch is served from 11:30 to 1pm, dinner is offered from
6pm to 8pm, with special hours on Thursday nights to accommodate an
International buffet.
“On a scale of one to ten,
our lunches and dinners are an eight or a nine.” said student Brady Fleming,
23, a native of Whitefish, Montana. Fleming is in his second month of
training at the intensive 14-month Culinary Arts program. Tuition is
$32,000 sans room and board, though financial aid is available for those who
qualify. “As part of your tuition the school provides knives, books,
equipment, everything you will need,” said 18-year old Evan Brent-Fulups,
now in his fourth month at the Institute. New students enter the program
every six weeks. Roughly 800 people attend the Institute at any given time,
in various stages of learning. Students work long hours absorbing recipes,
cooking techniques, and business training.
Founded by Portland businessmen Horst Mager and Donald Waldbauer in
1983, the Western Culinary Institute is formally affiliated with
Paris-based Le Cordon Bleu, where Julia Childs earned her chops. When
students graduate from the demanding 14-month program, they receive a
Culinary Arts Associate Degree from Le Cordon Bleu, a stamp of competence
that opens doors in the private sector.
At
the conclusion of their training, most students are on track to become
restaurant entrepreneurs or executive chefs. “Our placement program
gets
results.” said Chef Instructor Jon Wirtis, “Nine out of ten students
will find jobs if they are dedicated.
I always tell my classes that cooking
is not a job if you love what you do. Your workspace is your playground. I
come out of the CIA in New York (Culinary
Institute of America, not the
intelligence service) and our motto is ‘sharp knives, sharp minds.’ It
is fulfilling to take these students through the entire process, turning
them into professionals. I have been here roughly three years now. I like
the fact that the program is accelerated; that we constantly challenge
students to
stay focused and rise to the occasion.”
Montana native Jessica Whalen, 23, is
enjoying her time at the college but hopes to see more women running
restaurants and kitchens. “It's fun going into a field that is
male-dominated. I'm going to help turn that around. I don’t know
exactly how many women are executive
chefs or own their own restaurants, but
I believe it is less than one in ten. I work for a woman who
runs her own restaurant here in town, but she
is the exception that proves the rule. We need more balance in the
industry.” Demographics at the school boast two women for every three
men, but global recruitment efforts look
to balance those numbers in the years
ahead. Students currently attend the Institute from all over the world,
including Europe, Central America, South America, and Canada.
Salem-based student Dave Wiebe, 39, is
also impressed with the school. “This is a very good program. The chefs
seem to really know what they are talking about. They are passionate about
what they do—passion
is the essential quality you need to succeed as a chef.” Well, passion and a good accountant. No
matter how inspired graduates may be, eight out of ten restaurants fail in
the first three years. “We run a separate
Hospitality and Restaurant Management program, in addition to specific
courses in purchasing, cost controls, and finance,” said Maxwell. “Our
program emphasis is 80-20 culinary, but the business side of the industry is
something we focus on.”
Maxwell
is optimistic the Institute will enjoy continued success in the years
ahead. “Food is good. People have been eating since there were people.
Every day there are more people. More people need more food. More people
who need more food need more people who prepare food. This is a growth
industry. If you have a passion for food and the right training, you will
never be without a job. In fact, people who graduate from the school find
themselves in all kinds of exotic places. It turns out people in the
Caribbean eat too.” For more information, visit the
Western Culinary Web site. |
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Emporium to be
Liquidated
Despite
what you may have read at
other media outlets,
no one will step forward to rescue Emporium from their pending
bankruptcy. Reginald Martin—Chairman
of The Dunlap Company based in Forth Worth, Texas—recently
expressed an interest in acquiring a handful of stores in the
chain, but that speculation was empty rhetoric.
SB Capital Group, LLC signed a contract Wednesday to manage
the liquidation of all assets. They will employ a
Progressive Discount Liquidation Sale, meaning everything will
sell through the stores at a discount percentage that will
progressively increase as the time of the sale proceeds. The
discount will increase as inventory quantities, selection and
availability decrease. SB Capital Group was a key partner
on the Montgomery Ward liquidation and recent K-mart store
closings. |
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Portland
Art Museum Announces Million Dollar Gift
Executive Director John E. Buchanan, Jr., announced the major
gift of an important series of ten lithographs by the French
artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec (1864-1901). Known as the
Elles series, the
lithographs, widely considered one of the high points of 19th
century art, are a gift from private collectors in Portland.
The Museum estimates the value of the series to be in
excess of $1 million. |
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OMSI Python on
the Move
Oregon Museum of Science and
Industry staff members will move a large Burmese python to a new
exhibit Monday. Bubba, who has lived in the museum's Life
Science Lab since 1997, will be placed in a larger, climate
controlled enclosure in the Lab. Bubba is thought to be one of
the largest snakes in the Portland area. |
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Condoleeza Rice
Not Interested in Marrying Inside Portland Editor Christopher
Vetter
In a shattering blow to the sensitive Portland-based journalist,
National Security Adviser Condoleeza Rice rejected his plea for
marriage. When pressed for the rationale behind her
decision, Rice replied, "He doesn't do it for me. Even if he
hits the gym and learns Russian, this is not going to happen." |
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SOUP
Vichyssoise
Roasted
Squash
APPETIZER
Wild
Mushroom Crepes
Napoleon
of Roasted Vegetables
House
Cured Salmon with Crostini
SALAD
Beaumont
with Hazelnut Smoked Chicken
Artisian
Greens with Apples, Cheddar Cornbread, and Cranberry Cider Dressing
Bibb
and Watercress with Smoked Trout
Caesar
Salad
ENTREE
Grilled
Flank Steak
Stuffed
Pork Cutlet with Tarragon Sauce
Poulet
Boursin with Herb Cream Sauce
Roasted
Stuff Pork Loin
with Pesto Cream Sauce
Grilled
Halibut
Grilled
Portobello with
Cous Cous and Vegetables
DESSERT
Caribbean
Coconut Tart
Chocolate
Decadence
White
Chocolate
Creme Brulee
Mochaccino
Cheesecake |
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Stuff you did not know you wanted to know

u The height of your chef hat reveals your status in the kitchen
hierarchy. The tallest hat is worn by the executive chef, followed by
the sous chef (or kitchen manager), line cook, and the lowly dishwasher.

u In many kitchens, the number of folds in your
chef hat indicates the number
of ways you know how to prepare an
egg. Different preparation methods
are a benchmark of sorts to confirm advanced culinary skills.

Western Culinary will launch a new
certificate program for Rotisserie and Baking later this year. The
Institute learned earlier this week that their accreditation request for
an intensive 36-week pastry program was approved. The course will
include a 6-week externship with a local restaurant. |
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Top Ten
Pick-Up Lines for Meeting
Single Women in a Restaurant
Can
I interest you in a
hot and steaming bowl of conversation?
Weren’t we supposed to meet for
dinner?
I just hate eating alone; do you
mind if I join you?
Nothing quite tastes as good as
you look today.
Do you know of a nice French
restaurant where we could share a bottle of wine?
Hello. I just moved to this city and was wondering if you
could recommend a good restaurant here? Would you also like to join me
for dinner sometime?
May I buy you lunch or dinner?
Can you please pass me the
ketchup and your phone number?
When you notice that a woman has
finished her meal, approach her and say, "I noticed that you have
finished eating, can I join you for some desert?"
If you spot a woman waiting in a
restaurant for someone, go up to her and say ”If he doesn’t show up,
I’ll be right over here waiting for you.” |
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This list was provided solely for your amusement from the
testosterone-fueled
Get Girls Web site. This is where any hate mail should be
sent. |
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Scottie Pippen under fire for decision making
Local sports journalists continue to praise Scottie
Pippen and his new role as the starting point guard for the Portland
Trail Blazers. The accolades are deserved, except when the former
Chicago Bull plays against the Los Angeles Lakers. Coach Maurice Cheeks
should take Pippen out of any game versus the Lakers in the last five
minutes. Phil Jackson appears to be controlling his former player.
Whenever the Zen Master claps his hands or straightens his tie, Scottie
steps out of bounds or launches a wild three point shot. Number 33
appears to be under some form of hypnosis.

Where is the love?
Still no reply to our request for Blazers media credentials. How can
we bring you the same pedantic coverage everyone else offers if Blazers
president Bob Whitsitt won't work with us? Maybe he is
irritated because we called Rasheed a "knucklehead" last week.
Consider this a quid pro quo, Bob. Scare up those media
credentials and you will never see the phrase "knucklehead" on our pages
again. We promise.

Down For the Count
During the Blazers basketball game versus the Milwaukee Bucks on
Saturday February 22, the Rose Garden crowd roared when it was announced
that Tonya Harding had lost her professional boxing debut.
Thousands of voices rose up as one, booing lustily, hissing, and
screaming with delight at her misfortune. The incident was like
group therapy for a city that has suffered by association with Tonya.
Monica Lewinsky did her undergraduate work at Lewis and Clark College.
Oregon has played host to a handful of serial killers and high profile
criminals. No one in recent memory, however, has inspired the kind
of gale force contempt directed at Harding last week. Tonya has
emerged as a world-class villain.

Get down tonight
As if we need another reason for our wives or girlfriends to monitor our
computer use, the Blazers have released high resolution
Blazer Dancer wallpaper. In conducting extensive research for
this article,
Tracy and
Melissa merit further attention. |
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