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by Christopher Vetter

This week, we devolved into one of the feature-driven general interest, publications we loathe.  Our article on the Western Culinary Institute is nauseatingly wholesome.  We interviewed 22 students and searched for dirt all week.  Harassment complaints?  Ugly instructor-student conflicts?  Did someone burn their hand on a stove?  Nothing.  The worst thing we could come up with about the school?  (A) Most of the students serving lunch can't tie a Windsor knot to save their lives, (B) our gourmet lunch was so filling that we could barely function for hours after we left, and (C) ordinary food is no longer enjoyable, prompting us to fantasize about a return visit.  This is as low as we can sink.  Is that a photo of a chicken up there?  Did I actually post their menu on our home page in the spot normally reserved for attention getting features?  As we speak, I am sawing my wrist with a razorblade. I have turned Inside Portland into an infomercial.  All we need to complete our transformation this week is a photo of Margie Boule, spreading sunshine to the masses.

Willamette Week committed no major offense this week, except to revive a news story already reported elsewhere—the Obo Addy family feud.  They get a pass from us this week, because compared to our cover story on the Western Culinary Institute, their Obo Addy report reads like "Kennedy Dead in Dallas" or "Nixon Resigns."  Boot licking just doesn't suit us—not unless it has a sarcastic undercurrent that allows it to work on multiple levels.  So here we are in week three, with dozens of exciting features and articles on the horizon, and we kill your enthusiasm with this oh-so-tender love poem to our favorite restaurant.  Make certain you return next week so we can make this up to you.  On Tuesday, we will interview  a prominent member of the Portland media.  He has an amazing story to share and the details will make your jaw drop.

Our hits are exploding through the roof, prompting requests for a print edition of the Webzine.  The answer is maybe.  Lining up advertising can be a burdensome chore; it also has the effect of taming your editorial instincts.  When mammon is on the table, you think about the consequences of what you write.  You lose your fearlessness.  On the other hand, we could offer more content if we embraced a Willamette Week-type revenue model.  Besides, after our cover story this week, (a shameless exercise in puffery prompting self-loathing throughout the office) we may be ready to embrace the inevitable.  No matter how impressed we are with Western Culinary, our current feature is the musical equivalent of Yanni.  Despite this little setback, we should move aggressively on getting Inside Portland into print, with a likely distribution run launching in December. With the kind of heat we have been generating, it may be impossible to resist the demand for a print edition of Inside Portland.  Unless of course, Willamette Week Editor Mark Zusman calls and offers me a job.  The opportunity to help Willamette Week get its groove back might be too appealing to pass up.

 

 
 


An interview with one of the most powerful media figures in the city

Fear and loathing at the Portland Art Museum

Advice from Lisa

 

We were going for a kitschy sixties kind of thing with this header.

The Western Culinary Institute is the best kept secret in Portland.

Posting this photo may be the low point of my life.  I am using poultry for our cover photo.  Please, someone kill me.

This is the only time you will see a chicken on our home page, so consider this a historic moment.  Food photos by Paul Moore, from The Wine Lover's Cookbook

ood food can break your bank.  Portland plays host to a number of restaurants that cater to the discriminating palate, but few are terribly affordable.  Soup alone can cost $8.  That isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  If diners want to spend $50 or more per person for a meal out—not to mention any wine they might consume—more power to them.  This is what distinguishes liberal democracies from command economies like China or Vietnam, who might point to $8 bowls of soup as evidence of capitalist excess.

Whether fine dining is part of your routine or an infrequent pleasure, you probably don’t want to mortgage your home to afford a meal.  The Western Culinary Institute International Dining Room is ready to lend a hand.  For $9.95, you can enjoy a five-course gourmet lunch, featuring a rich selection of soups, appetizers, Two more reasons to visit the college.salads, entrees, and desserts.  The menu changes daily, though a handful of dishes are staples, with variations in presentation, sauces, and cooking methods.  Tipping is not permitted, since students serve meals as part of their training.  Coffee, tea, or a soft drink comes free with the meal.  For food this good, there is no better value in the city.  Dinner is twice the price at $19.95, but offers seven courses and larger portions.  Even wine is priced to move; a typical bottle is $15, roughly half of what you might pay elsewhere.  “I have been coming here for more than a decade, and they do a marvelous job.” said PSU student Homer Hodge.  “I don’t know how they pull this off.”

According to Western Culinary Instructor Mike Maxwell, the Institute feeds 50 to 110 people at lunch and dinner every Tuesday through Friday.  In a metropolitan area boasting hundreds of thousands of people, those numbers suggest the International Dining Room is one of the best kept secrets in the city.  “We are more popular now because of articles people have read around town. You need a reservation to be guaranteed seating, but for the kind of food we prepare and the affordable prices we charge, it surprises me that reservations are not required weeks in advance.”  Lunch is served from 11:30 to 1pm, dinner is offered from 6pm to 8pm, with special hours on Thursday nights to accommodate an International buffet.

It's fun going into a field that is male-dominated.  I'm going to help turn that around.  I don’t know exactly how many women are executive chefs or own their own restaurants, but I believe it's less than one in ten.

“On a scale of one to ten, our lunches and dinners are an eight or a nine.” said student Brady Fleming, 23, a native of Whitefish, Montana.  Fleming is in his second month of training at the intensive 14-month Culinary Arts program.  Tuition is $32,000 sans room and board, though financial aid is available for those who qualify.  “As part of your tuition the school provides knives, books, equipment, everything you will need,” said 18-year old Evan Brent-Fulups, now in his fourth month at the Institute.  New students enter the program every six weeks.  Roughly 800 people attend the Institute at any given time, in various stages of learning.  Students work long hours absorbing recipes, cooking techniques, and business training.

Founded by Portland businessmen Horst Mager and Donald Waldbauer in 1983, the Western Culinary Institute is formally affiliated with Paris-based Le Cordon Bleu, where Julia Childs earned her chops.  When students graduate from the demanding 14-month program, they receive a Culinary Arts Associate Degree from Le Cordon Bleu, a stamp of competence that opens doors in the private sector.

Plump, ripe, ready.At the conclusion of their training, most students are on track to become restaurant entrepreneurs or executive chefs.  “Our placement program gets results.” said Chef Instructor Jon Wirtis, “Nine out of ten students will find jobs if they are dedicated.  I always tell my classes that cooking is not a job if you love what you do.  Your workspace is your playground.  I come out of the CIA in New York (Culinary Institute of America, not the intelligence service) and our motto is ‘sharp knives, sharp minds.’  It is fulfilling to take these students through the entire process, turning them into professionals.  I have been here roughly three years now.  I like the fact that the program is accelerated; that we constantly challenge students to stay focused and rise to the occasion.”

Montana native Jessica Whalen, 23, is enjoying her time at the college but hopes to see more women running restaurants and kitchens.  “It's fun going into a field that is male-dominated.  I'm going to help turn that around.  I don’t know exactly how many women are executive chefs or own their own restaurants, but I believe it is less than one in ten.  I work for a woman who runs her own restaurant here in town, but she is the exception that proves the rule.  We need more balance in the industry.”  Demographics at the school boast two women for every three men, but global recruitment efforts look to balance those numbers in the years ahead.  Students currently attend the Institute from all over the world, including Europe, Central America, South America, and Canada.

Soup is good food.Salem-based student Dave Wiebe, 39, is also impressed with the school. “This is a very good program.  The chefs seem to really know what they are talking about.  They are passionate about what they do—passion is the essential quality you need to succeed as a chef.”  Well, passion and a good accountant.  No matter how inspired graduates may be, eight out of ten restaurants fail in the first three years.  “We run a separate Hospitality and Restaurant Management program, in addition to specific courses in purchasing, cost controls, and finance,” said Maxwell.  “Our program emphasis is 80-20 culinary, but the business side of the industry is something we focus on.”

Maxwell is optimistic the Institute will enjoy continued success in the years ahead.  “Food is good.  People have been eating since there were people.  Every day there are more people.  More people need more food.  More people who need more food need more people who prepare food.  This is a growth industry.  If you have a passion for food and the right training, you will never be without a job.  In fact, people who graduate from the school find themselves in all kinds of exotic places.  It turns out people in the Caribbean eat too.”  For more information, visit the Western Culinary Web site.

Inside Portland Headlines
I am so excited, and I can't hide it.  I am about to lose control and I think I like it.  Oh yeah. Emporium to be Liquidated
Despite what you may have read at other media outlets, no one will step forward to rescue Emporium from their pending bankruptcy. Reginald Martin—Chairman of The Dunlap Company based in Forth Worth, Texas—recently expressed an interest in acquiring a handful of stores in the chain, but that speculation was empty rhetoric. SB Capital Group, LLC signed a contract Wednesday to manage the liquidation of all assets.  They will employ a Progressive Discount Liquidation Sale, meaning everything will sell through the stores at a discount percentage that will progressively increase as the time of the sale proceeds. The discount will increase as inventory quantities, selection and availability decrease.  SB Capital Group was a key partner on the Montgomery Ward liquidation and recent K-mart store closings.
Portland Art Museum Announces Million Dollar Gift
Executive Director John E. Buchanan, Jr., announced the major gift of an important series of ten lithographs by the French artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec (1864-1901). Known as the Elles series, the lithographs, widely considered one of the high points of 19th century art, are a gift from private collectors in Portland. The Museum estimates the value of the series to be in excess of $1 million.
OMSI Python on the Move
Oregon Museum of Science and Industry staff members will move a large Burmese python to a new exhibit Monday. Bubba, who has lived in the museum's Life Science Lab since 1997, will be placed in a larger, climate controlled enclosure in the Lab. Bubba is thought to be one of the largest snakes in the Portland area.
Condoleeza Rice Not Interested in Marrying Inside Portland Editor Christopher Vetter
In a shattering blow to the sensitive Portland-based journalist, National Security Adviser Condoleeza Rice rejected his plea for marriage.  When pressed for the rationale behind her decision, Rice replied, "He doesn't do it for me. Even if he hits the gym and learns Russian, this is not going to happen."
Businesses To Help Bail Out Schools
Private sector leaders are underwhelmed; vow to pass the tax hike along to consumers.
Portland Business Alliance Blows its Lights Budget
A few million dollars over budget?  Just enough to bail out the schools.  Maybe Kim Kimbrough deserved that dog collar, Mark.  We were wrong.
How Many Public Employees Does it Take to Rescue a Collie?
Who knows? By the time they made a decision, the dog was dead.
Portland Wrestling is Dead
WB32 calls it quits.  They figured out it was fake.
County Approves Sale of Old Hollywood Library Branch
The building was sold for its appraised price of $675,000. Looks like we found some badly needed school funding. Any more of these old buildings lying around?  Sell ‘em fast.
  Lunch is served

SOUP
Vichyssoise
Roasted Squash

APPETIZER
Wild Mushroom Crepes
Napoleon of Roasted Vegetables
House Cured Salmon with Crostini

SALAD
Beaumont with Hazelnut Smoked Chicken
Artisian Greens with Apples, Cheddar Cornbread, and Cranberry Cider Dressing
Bibb and Watercress with Smoked Trout
Caesar Salad

ENTREE
Grilled Flank Steak
Stuffed Pork Cutlet with Tarragon Sauce
Poulet Boursin with Herb Cream Sauce
Roasted Stuff Pork Loin
with Pesto Cream Sauce
Grilled Halibut
Grilled Portobello with
Cous Cous and Vegetables

DESSERT
Caribbean Coconut Tart
Chocolate Decadence
White Chocolate
Creme Brulee
Mochaccino Cheesecake
 
     

 
Stuff you did not know you wanted to know

u The height of your chef hat reveals your status in the kitchen hierarchy.  The tallest hat is worn by the executive chef, followed by the sous chef (or kitchen manager), line cook, and the lowly dishwasher.

u In many kitchens, the number of folds in your chef hat indicates the number of ways you know how to prepare an egg.  Different preparation methods are a benchmark of sorts to confirm advanced culinary skills.

I am so excited, and I can't hide it.  I am about to lose control and I think I like it.  Oh yeah. Western Culinary will launch a new certificate program for Rotisserie and Baking later this year.  The Institute learned earlier this week that their accreditation request for an intensive 36-week pastry program was approved.  The course will include a 6-week externship with a local restaurant.
 

  Top Ten Pick-Up Lines for Meeting Single Women in a Restaurant

Can I interest you in a hot and steaming bowl of conversation?

Weren’t we supposed to meet for dinner?

I just hate eating alone; do you mind if I join you?

Nothing quite tastes as good as you look today.

Do you know of a nice French restaurant where we could share a bottle of wine?

Hello. I just moved to this city and was wondering if you could recommend a good restaurant here?  Would you also like to join me for dinner sometime?

May I buy you lunch or dinner?

Can you please pass me the ketchup and your phone number?

When you notice that a woman has finished her meal, approach her and say, "I noticed that you have finished eating, can I join you for some dessert?"

If you spot a woman waiting in a restaurant for someone, go up to her and say ”If he doesn’t show up, I’ll be right over here waiting for you.”
 
 
This list was provided solely for your amusement from the testosterone-fueled Get Girls Web site.  This is where any hate mail should be sent.
 

 

 
 
Scottie Pippen under fire for decision making
Local sports journalists continue to praise Scottie Pippen and his new role as the starting point guard for the Portland Trail Blazers. The accolades are deserved, except when the former Chicago Bull plays against the Los Angeles Lakers. Coach Maurice Cheeks should take Pippen out of any game versus the Lakers in the last five minutes. Phil Jackson appears to be controlling his former player. Whenever the Zen Master claps his hands or straightens his tie, Scottie steps out of bounds or launches a wild three point shot.  Number 33 appears to be under some form of hypnosis.

Where is the love?
Still no reply to our request for Blazers media credentials. How can we bring you the same pedantic coverage everyone else offers if Blazers president Bob Whitsitt won't work with us?  Maybe he is irritated because we called Rasheed a "knucklehead" last week.  Consider this a quid pro quo, Bob.  Scare up those media credentials and you will never see the phrase "knucklehead" on our pages again.  We promise.

Down For the Count
During the Blazers basketball game versus the Milwaukee Bucks on Saturday February 22, the Rose Garden crowd roared when it was announced that Tonya Harding had lost her professional boxing debut.  Thousands of voices rose up as one, booing lustily, hissing, and screaming with delight at her misfortune.  The incident was like group therapy for a city that has suffered by association with Tonya.  Monica Lewinsky did her undergraduate work at Lewis and Clark College.  Oregon has played host to a handful of serial killers and high profile criminals.  No one in recent memory, however, has inspired the kind of gale force contempt directed at Harding last week.  Tonya has emerged as a world-class villain.

Get down tonight
As if we need another reason for our wives or girlfriends to monitor our computer use, the Blazers have released high resolution Blazer Dancer wallpaper.  In conducting extensive research for this article, Tracy and Melissa merit further attention.
 
 
 

   
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